I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just threw up on my dentist
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize