i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
