he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
