I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
