How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
