Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
