I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
