i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
