My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
