Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
