her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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