you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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