woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
