Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
