it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
