Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
