Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize