VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
