forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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