absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Still dying that you shit outside
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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