dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
