Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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