ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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