My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
