I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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