4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
