bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
