this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
