just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize