Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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