Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
