remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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