bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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