Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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