Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
