i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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