I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You took a bar mat shot.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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