Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Non-Jews are for practice
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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