I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize