What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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