i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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