he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just invented taco cereal.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
