Cold hands, warm shart.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
