Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
