I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
