This is not my ceiling
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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