My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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