Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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