there's paper in my vomit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
whose parrot is this?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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