The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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