I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize