i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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