You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
