Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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