I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
