i permit you to call me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
