You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
