I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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