somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
