HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
