Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
