last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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