When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
