Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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