Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
