We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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