maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize