No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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